


Things That Go Hump In the Night

by Mishapocalyptic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Funny, M/M, Sex, gay as a rainbow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 19:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mishapocalyptic/pseuds/Mishapocalyptic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is a summary needed? Dean, Sam, and Castiel are on a hunt. When Dean and Sam check into the bed and breakfast they're investigating, misunderstandings ensue leading to an awkward interruption of Destiel sexy times by the bed and breakfast's manager.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things That Go Hump In the Night

Dean sighed as he entered the unassuming bed and breakfast. He hated working jobs in places like this; B and Bs made them seem gay. Sam enjoyed places like this. Sam was such a girl at times.

Sam’s face lit up at the sight of the old house. He loved the history of the houses. The back stories were so intriguing, and it made the ghost hunting more interesting.

The two brothers walked in the front door, Sam trailing behind his older brother. It was quite the sight to see, really. Sam was noticeably taller than Dean, and they didn’t look much alike. Sam’s hair was dark and shaggy, while Dean kept his lighter, almost blonde hair short and manageable. Dean swaggered ahead in his leather jacket, hoping for a hot girl at the counter, only to be disappointed by an old man. Sam chuckled a bit as he saw Dean’s face fall.

“Do you have any vacancies?” Dean asked in his gruff voice, trying to be as polite as possible and not let his agitation show through.

“Let me check,” the man answered politely. The man scrolled through a list on his computer, and Sam looked at his name tag. His voice was falsely polite as he answered. “Oh, yes, boys! I’ve got several!”

“Great!” Sam exclaimed, a little overly excited. The man gave the brothers a weird look before answering.

“So, um, I’ve got a suite with a king-sized bed...” the man started.

“Oh no! No, we’d like separate beds, if that’ll work... Albert.” Sam stumbled over his name as he tried to read the name tag.

“Oh okay, I see. Having an argument, are we?” Albert chuckled a bit. Gays are so finicky at times, he thought to himself.

“What?” Dean asked suddenly, as if pulled out of a trance. “Wait! Do you think we’re-” He stopped short, unable to process the thought. It was too weird to him. Gay, he could understand. But for his brother? That was a little too far.

“Think you’re what?” Albert seemed shocked.

“We’re brothers,” Sam blurted out suddenly. Albert’s face went expressionless, before a disgusted grimace appeared. “We’re not... not...” Sam frantically tried to correct the man’s misunderstanding, but couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“We’re not, like, a couple...” Dean said slowly, gauging Albert’s reaction. Albert raised an eyebrow. “If it makes you feel any better, my brother has a girlfriend.” Albert breathed a sigh of relief. He wouldn’t have dastardly things like that inhabiting his hotel.

“I am so sorry, boys. I guess I didn’t expect this. We do have a room with two separate beds. Let me get that set up for you. What name is this room under?”

“Um, Johnny Package...” Dean said, clearing his throat and handing over the fake credit card. Albert swiped the card and handed it back.

“Here you go,” he said, sliding the room keys across the counter towards the Winchesters. “Have a nice stay,” Albert added awkwardly as they walked away.

“Really? Johnny Package?” Sam asked as they climbed the stairs. He was grinning wildly, trying to keep from laughing. “What kind of fake name is that?”

“A good one, alright?” Dean snapped.

“What makes you think that’s a good name?” questioned Sam.

“I saw it on a TV show, okay?” Dean ducked his head to avoid his brother’s mocking gaze. “I saw it, and thought it was a really great name...”

“Okay, whatever. Also, why’d you say I have a girlfriend?” Sam unlocked the door, and flipped the switch, his brother following him.

“Well I wasn’t about to tell him that I have a boyfriend. Did you see the look he was giving us?” Sam nodded, conceding the point to Dean. “So, what info do you have on the place?” Dean asked, dropping his duffle on a bed. Suddenly, the lights flickered, and the boys grabbed shotguns with rock salt in them.

“Woah, don’t shoot. It’s me,” Castiel said from by the window, causing Dean to whip around. He dropped his gun and grabbed Cas up in a hug, almost crushing him. “Take it easy, Dean. It hasn’t been that long.”

“It’s been too long,” Dean replied, causing Cas to smile at the cheesy comment. Sam turned away and went back to organising his research as Dean and Cas “greeted” each other.

“You two done yet?” Sam called over his shoulder after a minute or two, not daring a look. “I’d like to go over the background of the house.” He heard a stifled moan and rolled his eyes. “I’ll take that as a no...” muttered Sam. After a few minutes, Sam heard Dean take a deep breath, and Cas giggled like a school girl.

“Okay, yep. We’re done,” Dean said, shooting a suggestive look back at Cas.

“For now,” Cas finished, winking back at Dean. Sam groaned.

“Can’t you guys do that when I’m not here?” Sam asked, knowing that would probably never happen. It was common knowledge among the three of them that Sam was annoyed by this relationship between Dean and Castiel. Only because Dean made sure to do some of the “relationship-y stuff,” as Sam called it, around Sam.

“Nah, I don’t think we want to,” Dean said sarcastically.

“Quit bickering,” Castiel said, employing his commanding voice.

“Oh, Cas, I love it when you take charge like that,” joked Dean. Cas’s resolve broke for a moment to smile at Dean. He quickly rearranged his face into a frown again.

“We’ve got work to do.” Sam and Dean nodded their heads, and the three of them sat down at the table to discuss logistics and tactics. Sam pulled out his laptop and opened up the tabs he had found earlier, detailing the background of the home.

“So, this house used to belong to a wealthy family in the late 1800s. Dad had a family business selling grain, but died at an early age of a heart attack. Apparently, Johnny-” Sam was cut off as Dean chuckled. “What?”

“Johnny... Such a generic name...” Dean trailed off. Cas shot him a look, and Sam ran a hand over his face, which reminded him of his father. His dead father. His father’s dead. 

“His name is Johnny, Dean.” Sam pursed his lips at his brother, looking like an upset soccer mom. “Anyway, apparently Johnny inherited the company, and little Suzy wasn’t happy.”

“Damn, could these kids have more generic names?” Dean exclaimed, laughing despite the conversation.

“Shut up, Dean,” Cas commanded. “What did Suzy do?”

“Suzy hanged herself,” stated Sam simply. “But not before killing Johnny and Mommy Dearest.”

“How does this produce a vengeful spirit, then?” Dean pondered out loud.

“That’s what I wanna know...” Sam answered, voice matching the worry filling Dean’s mind.

“Suzy was buried in the backyard, wasn’t she?” Cas asked.

“Um,” Sam hummed while scrolling down the page. “Yeah. Yeah she was.”

“Anything else? Before the bed and breakfast was started?” Dean asked, leaning over Sam’s shoulder to look at the screen.

“Yeah. The B and B was started in 1987, but a wealthy man lived in it before that,” Sam started. Dean and Cas exchanged looks, calculating the situation at first, but then becoming playful as Dean wiggled his eyebrows at Cas, causing Castiel to blush. “Cut it out, you two,” scolded Sam. He had looked up to see Cas licking his lips at Dean and honestly just wanted to get back to work. “Anyway, this guy, David West, was actually a hunter.”

“How do you know that?” Cas asked.

“Yeah, I remember Dad mentioning his name once,” Dean added.

“Well, he was looking into Suzy’s death because there had been reports of strange activity,” Sam continued. “Dean, where’s Dad’s journal? I think Dad made a note of this.” Dean fished the journal out of his jacket and handed it to Sam. Sam hummed an 80s rock song as he looked, and Dean started to laugh. “What?”

“I thought you hated my music, Sam,” Dean chuckled.

“Oh, I do, but you made us listen to that one AC/DC album for the whole entire 5 hours to get here,” answered Sam, sighing exasperatedly.

“Did you really?” Cas asked, slightly impressed that Sam held out that long.

“Yeah. I did.” Dean nodded, smugly smiling at his angel of a boyfriend. Castiel actually was an angel. Like, an angel of the Lord, but he was sweet to Dean, too, if you wanna take it like that.

“Nice...” Cas smiled. He pecked Dean’s cheek.

“See, I’m fine with that stuff, but the groping is a little too much for me,” Sam acknowledged. Before Dean could retort, Sam had turned back to the laptop. “Alright, David West was killed on a job, according to Dad, in this very house. Dad came to investigate, but didn’t find much. Apparently Suzy and Johnny were cremated, but the remains of Margaret were never found.”

“Margaret?” Dean asked dumbly.

“The mother, Dean,” Cas answered kindly.

“Well, I guess we have our first suspect.” Dean turned to Sam. “Were Suzy and Johnny given graves?”

“Ummm... Yep. Cas, could you go and check their graves to see if anything is actually in them?” Sam asked, turning around in his chair to face the two men standing over his shoulder.

“On it. I’ll be back, boys,” Cas said before departing. He blew a kiss to Dean and then vanished.

“That’s really hot....” Dean sighed, a silly smile on his face.

“What?” Sam asked, half because he wasn’t sure what Dean was talking about and half because he was really taken aback.

“The whole vanishing thing.” 

“Let’s go look around. We oughta check the backyard.” Dean nodded, and they grabbed shotguns to put in their coats. They headed out the door, and as Dean shut the door, Sam looked at him. “So, how do you find that hot?”

“What are you talking about?” Dean asked as he began to lead the way down the stairs. A maid passed by, but Dean paid her no attention.

“How is that hot?” Sam persisted. The maid stopped in her tracks and looked over her shoulder at the two men ambling in the opposite direction.

“I don’t know... Sammy, I can’t explain it. It just gave me chills,” Dean answered, sending a meaningful look at his brother. The maid’s eyes widened when she realised what they were talking about. The maid bumped into a table as she wandered away, and Dean’s head turned toward the sound.

“What was that?” Sam asked, noticing his brother’s diverted attention.

“The maid. She bumped into a table form what I can tell. You don’t think she overheard us, do you?”

“Maybe...” Sam exchanged a look with his brother. “Do you think she had the same misunderstanding that Albert did...?”

“Son of a bitch. That’s exactly what happened,” Dean cursed. “We gotta stop coming off that way!”

“I don’t get why we do! I’m not gay!” Sam exclaimed.

“And you’re saying I am?” Dean questioned.

“Dude, not only do you have a boyfriend, but your boyfriend is an angel. It doesn’t get much gayer than that.” Sam laughed at his own joke while Dean glared at him.

The brothers reached to door to the back and walked out. They spent two hours looking for something, anything, but their search was fruitless. As they headed inside, Sam got a phone call.

“Hello?” he answered. Dean gave him a weird look, and Sam mouthed, Bobby. “Yeah, okay. I’m on it. Thanks, Bobby.”

“What did Bobby say?”

“He says that he found some police records that may be helpful. I’m gonna go check them out.”

“Okay. I’ll find out what Cas found,” Dean said, splitting off from his brother. The lobby was empty, not an employee in sight.

“Sure you will,” Sam said under his breath, laughing to himself.

A little while later, the young maid who had eavesdropped the Winchesters’ conversation passed by room 212, the room Dean and Sam had gotten. The girl passed by, eyeing the door warily. She stopped short when she heard a creaking, as if the bed was moving. The young maid quietly crept next to the door and pressed her ear against it. She could make out faint groans and grunts, and her jaw dropped, eyes bugging out.

“Laurel!” Albert shouted from downstairs. Laurel swiftly made her way to the staircase.

“Yessir?” she asked, a sweet Southern accent coating her words. She approached the desk before his harsh New Jersey accent could grate on her ear drums again.

“What took you so long?”

“Well, sir, I was makin’ my way back downstairs,” Laurel started, her Tennessee accent very obvious in her discontent, “and I heard a strange noise coming from the room that you rented out to those two men, sir.” Albert’s eyes widened. “Sir...” Laurel dropped her voice. “Sir, I think they were... Well... Ruining our sheets...” Laurel blushed as the words left her lips. Albert’s face reddened. Albert slammed his hand on the counter before making his way to the stairs. Laurel could hear him muttering to himself.

“Damn fags. Sinful,” Albert said, coherence escaping him as he made his way up the stairs, flustered. “Not in my hotel, you won’t.” Albert grabbed the master key out of his pocket and knocked on the Winchesters’ door, prepared to unlock it himself. He heard the groans stop and a scrambling before the faucet turned on.

“Just a second!” Dean shouted. He pulled on pants before opening the door. “Can I help you?” He forced back a laugh as he took in Albert’s appearance. Red, chubby face, surrounded by stark white hair. Dean easily towered over him.

“I’m sorry to bother you, Mr. Package,” Albert said, plastering a polite smile on his red face. “But it seems that we’ve had a few complaints from other guests about... Noises... Coming from your room.” Albert stuck his head in and looked around. “Wait, are you alone? Where’s your brother?” Before Dean could answer, Castiel walked out of the bathroom, pants hanging low on his hips.

“Afternoon,” Cas greeted. “How can we help you?” Albert just about blew his fuse. Cas gave him a soft smile.

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?” Albert screamed. Laurel creeped back downstairs.

“Me?” Cas asked. “Castiel.” Albert raised an eyebrow. “I’m his boyfriend.”

“Dammit,” Albert muttered, rubbing his temples as he walked downstairs.

“Well, now that that’s taken care of, shall we resume?” Cas inquired slyly. Dean grinned and shut the door.

Sam saw the angry look on Albert’s face as he walked in.

“You...” Albert started. Laurel pushed him back into his office. Sam just sort of stood there, waiting for an explanation.

“Sorry, sir,” Laurel apologised as she came back out. “The boss is not happy. You might want to tell your brother to keep it down.” Sam couldn’t help but smile. Her accent was cute, and he wasn’t surprised by this report.

“Can do,” Sam replied. He waved good-bye to Laurel and headed up the stairs.


End file.
